literally had 100 drinks last night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
