You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
