Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
