In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
