I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
