Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
