hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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