I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
