One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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