He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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