we're chasing vodka with high fives
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
pop tarts are not kleenex
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
