Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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