I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
