I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
