i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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