its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
