dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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