adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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