I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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