next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
