Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
