I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
