I heard we made out
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
