I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
