My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
