Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
