Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
