Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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