we have officially lost it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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