i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
