i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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