and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
