the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
