I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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