these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
