I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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