"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
