well I can't set my house on fire every night
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
