i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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