The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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