I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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