oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
