Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
