At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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