I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
