You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm bleeding and have questions
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
