There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
