i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
