nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
