if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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