I think scott just propositioned me for sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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