saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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