I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
