i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
